Home :)

My love is home! It was a great day getting to see my husband walk off the plane and get to hug him and know that he is ok. I am so thankful that the whole unit came home safely. 

It was a strange feeling when we were united because although this year has been the longest year of my life, once we were together again it felt like we were never apart. I didn't cry like I thought I would, but I was so so happy to get my husband back. It feels so normal and right to be together now, so it's hard to believe that we spent so much time apart. It's when I see his pictures and the company slideshow and things like that that make me realize how much happened this year and remember how much I worried, and that makes me emotional. I'm trying to focus on the present now and just enjoy every moment. No more worries for now.

It's great to have Will in our new house. After all the short visits we've had with each other over the past two years, it's amazing to have a home that is OURS and know that we are not on a time limit. We can enjoy each day and actually share normal life with one another. He is such a blessing in my life and I could not be any happier or feel more loved. I am one lucky girl.

Book Blog: The Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet - Jamie Ford

I just finished this book this morning, and it was a great read. I had a little trouble getting into to it at first as it was another that switches between time periods, but I loved it in the end. It was heart breaking and heart warming at the same time. Henry, the main character, is a young Chinese boy living in San Francisco and is attending an all white school. He soon is joined by a Japanese American girl and they become good friends while working in the school kitchen together. Not long after, tensions rose between the US and Japan after the bombing of Pearl Harbor and Japanese families were sent away to internment camps, much to the satisfaction of Henry's father.

This is the part of World War II that I, and a lot of others I'm sure, tend to forget about. The fact that over 100,000 Japanese American people (and also German and Italian) were removed from their homes and sent to live inland in large camps fit for prisoners is just unimaginable to me. While many of the people were second generation Americans (like Keiko in the book), they were still feared to be spies or in cooperation with the Japanese. It is interesting to me that studies on racism and discrimination are typically centered on African Americans in the South, but as seen through this story, there are many other groups that have historically been discriminated against within the US, and other instances of clashing cultures, and today I am proud to live in a country where a person of any race, color, or religion can be respected as an American. I know we still have a long way to go, but I pray nothing like this would ever happen again in this country. It almost seems silly that anything like this could happen now, but at the same time that I say that, discriminatory events of a similar nature are still happening around the world.

The Japanese internment separates Henry from his best friend Keiko for much longer than they had thought. Henry has to learn to deal with the distance, only occasional letters, and learn to live as the one left behind where everyone else's lives seem to go on as usual...sounds like a familiar life to mine right now. Reading this, I related to the heartache, the uncertainty, the fear that Henry was going through, but it also made me thankful for the superior circumstances of my own separation. The one I love was not taken from me practically unannounced and for no apparent reason, he is not being treated like a prisoner, I hear from him at least every few days, and I know when he will return. These are the simple positive things that I need to remind myself when I'm struggling with the deployment. It's a daily struggle, but there are still things to be thankful for, things to learn, and I know that my husband is serving our country and protecting the freedoms we are lucky to have.

A Greater Plan

I decided to be brave today and go check out a new church all by my lonesome. I haven't been going to church for a while because 1) I haven't found one close that I like going to or have anyone to go to with, 2) If you know me well you know how much I love to sleep in, and 3) lately Sunday mornings have been days that I have been able to talk to my husband online and that is cherished time. Last night I felt motivated, so I looked at the website of a church that I have been considering and read through it all, read the pastor's blog, and listened to last week's sermon online.

I find that with the little bit of technology smarts that I possess combined with my way of getting a "feeling" about people and places, I can learn a lot about a church community from their website (if they market themselves correctly that is). What I was looking for was a place that had a younger feel to it, a deeper biblical teaching foundation, and somewhat of a "cool factor" to it and people that I can connect with on a more real basis. Websites that include things like google calendars, blogs, and podcasts are generally up on the cool factor. Good design, layout, and graphics also says something. This church seemed to have what I was looking for, so I went by myself this morning. I'm generally not a risk taker, I don't like new things, and I hate small talk and introducing myself to strangers. I did all of that today, and I felt good about it. I enjoyed the service, met some nice people, and wouldn't you know it, God called me there today and the pastor gave me just the sermon I needed to hear.

I have been struggling lately with accepting the way my life has taken a turn, being away from my husband for the first year of our marriage while he is in a war zone, and trying to figure out what direction we should take for our future together. Should we re-enlist, should we come back to MN, do we choose family or career, stability or risk...tough questions about the plans that we have for our lives. The teaching series they were in at church was going through Ephesians, today chapter 1: 7-10

⁷ In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace ⁸ that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, ⁹ he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, ¹⁰ to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ. 

God created us as his children to live out his will, because he has a bigger plan for the earth and for all of us. I knew this already, but the way the pastor described it as a story that we all play a part in really resonated with me. He said that we may have a picture of the way our life, or our "story," is going or will go which seems to be our reality, but it's God's reality that matters and is true. We may see things totally differently that he does at any given moment, but to him it all makes sense because it's all part of his greater plan. We may not understand it, we may not like it at the time, but looking back we can find comfort in the fact that things happen for a reason. I know that I can say that just looking back at my own short life and some of the things I have been through thus far.

I am trying harder to trust in that greater plan and know that someday I can look back at this difficult year and smile knowing that it had a purpose greater than what I knew at the time. 

After church I had a nice day with my family which included a Bonzai burger from Red Robin (love) and a walk in the woods on this amazingly beautiful November day. Then I watched some Army Wives with my mama, and came home to a letter and a really sweet card in the mail from my husband. There's nothing like getting a love letter from someone you miss more than words can say. 

Blurrr

The days are all starting to blur together big time. Work has been so crazy, and I have barely talked to my husband lately since he is away from the internet. They days of not talking are getting easier, and being so busy they are just flying by without me even noticing. I'm having a hard time remembering what I even did this week. I do remember there being frost on my car and it being 32 degrees this week though.

I can't believe October is almost over. I also can't believe that Christmas wreaths are being sold before Halloween has even come and gone. I swear they put that stuff out earlier and earlier each year. I'm thankful for the holidays coming this year because they are something to get excited about and distract me a little. But it's also sad thinking that I should have been sharing all of these holidays with my husband together in our house in Texas. Waiting for our wedding and my move that was planned for September this year felt like waiting forever. And now that has come and gone, and I'm still waiting and now this year feels like forever. I am making progress though, almost a quarter of the way through and only 2 months until January R&R.

TGIF

I have not had the best of weeks. Was not feeling full of rage as I did last week, but was not feeling myself or in a stable state this week because 1) I had a mild but nevertheless annoying bout of stomach flu, and 2) I didn't talk to my husband all week because he was away from computers. I had no motivation to do anything at work most of the week (my cave of an office not helping), but today was a little better. After I woke up that is. I slept through my alarm and awoke to a bad dream that made me feel very unsettled as I rushed to get to work not too far after my normally-late-getting-to-work time...yeah I just gave up trying to be on time because even the days that I am running on schedule there will be a traffic accident, or some other obstacle that still makes me late. I find that I have much less anxiety in the morning when I am not trying to be on time.

Anyways, my Friday turned out to be an ok day and then my hubby came back and was online. It was very late at night for him and he had had a bad day and just really wanted to talk to me (I love that). I was not expecting to hear from him for another day or two, so it was a pleasant surprise even though he was telling me about his rough day. It's the middle of October now which means that we are halfway there to January when he comes home for R&R!

I went to see a movie with my brother tonight, Life as We Know It. I really enjoyed it and it's good thing I wasn't watching it alone or I would have been bawling on numerous occasions. We both thought it would be more of a funny movie, but it turned out to be a great drama/love story too. Recommended.

Well, my mosaic vase is in the oven right now because the glue had still not dried clear after a week. Hopefully I will get a chance to grout it this weekend. I'm excited to get my first project done!

Worries

This week has been much quieter at work, mostly because everyone else has been in a million meetings (including one lasting 6 hours). It feels good to be back at work and feeling productive and useful. However, this week I've been feeling kind of down and really tired. I get 8 hours of sleep, but getting out of bed in the morning is hard. I'm NOT a morning person, and always have a hard time waking up, but some days it's like my brain is completely separate from my body and has no control over it. I can tell myself with every push of the snooze button that I need to get out of bed, but my body won't move. Eventually I get up, but still feel like I could have slept for several more hours. I probably just need more exercise. I have been eating a little better lately at least.

Another thing that has been bothering me this week is that there was a shooting at Fort Bliss on Monday at a convenience store that so many people go to on a daily basis. A man just walked in with a gun and shot two innocent cashiers. They did nothing wrong, they just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm so glad that none of my friends were there, and that my husband and I weren't there. It could have been anyone. And bad things can happen anywhere, even on an Army post (ie Ft. Hood last year). I am a worrier and my heart gets really heavy with things that worry or upset me. I sobbed earlier this year when I watched the first news coverage of the earthquake in Haiti. I really feel for other peoples' pain and loss, even in fictional stories or shows. Empathy can sure be a blessing and a curse. So this week I've been missing my husband and have been worrying more just because things can happen unexpectedly, especially in a war zone. I'm trying to be strong and trust that God will keep him safe and bring him home to me. It's hard to totally surrender sometimes, especially when it's something that you care about so much and want so badly.

I got connected with some other army wives on http://armyspouselife.com/ which is like a facebook site for military significant others. I am looking forward to getting to know them better and being able to talk to people who have been or are going through the same thing I am now. I only know one of the wives in my husband's unit since he got switched to it right before they deployed because they needed extra people. Plus, I'm not living there so I can't attend FRG meetings to get to know anyone.

I did talk to my husband this morning online. I still wish I we could use Skype so I could see his face, but we have to make do with what we have. He finally got my letters and the postcards from California. He loved Esther's that said, "Dear Will, I bet you are in the army" haha. He said it was really good to read my letters. I've been trying not to email too much because he has limited access and time on computers, but I can write all kinds of things in letters that I wouldn't otherwise have time to tell him and then he can read them when he has time. He says it's been pretty intense because they have been working his platoon so hard. I hope they are able to get some rest so that they can do their jobs safely. He may be unable to communicate with me for another couple weeks coming up, not looking forward to that. Please keep us in your prayers!

6 weeks down...too many to go

Well, it's been 6 weeks now. This is the normal amount of time that passes between my (now) husband and I seeing each other. Not thinking about the fact that we should be living together now, these 6 weeks have actually gone faster than others have. Being busy definitely helps. I haven't been hearing from him a whole lot, but about twice a week which is enough to keep me from going insane. The worst part is when he shows up in my dreams. I'm so happy to see him and then I wake up and realize it wasn't real. Or like last night in my dream he rescued me from someone trying to hurt me and I was so happy he was there for me, but then I knew that he was on leave and couldn't stay so as he kissed me sweetly on my cheek I started crying and then woke up crying. I don't typically remember my dreams that often, but these last weeks I have been having crazy weird dreams almost every night. Thankfully I have not been having bad dreams about the war or anything happening to him (knock on wood).

I got to chat with him on facebook this morning and it's always good to talk to him, but also hard to hear that he is exhausted working 20 hour days, not eating well, not sleeping enough, and generally frustrated. I was glad to find out though that he has internet access at the new place he is at, but who knows if he will actually stay there. For now though when he has time he will be able to email me and hopefully that will make him feel a little better to be able to vent or talk to me. I feel better just knowing where he is and what he has been doing. I have learned to not have any kind of expectations as far as communication goes. Once you get over expecting an email or phone call everyday it does get easier. I can say though that listening to sappy country love songs right now is not helping.

This has been a good weekend so far. I hung out with one brother Friday night. We tried out a new pizza restaurant, watched a movie and drank some wine, and sat in the hot tub for a while. Yesterday my other brother and I drove down to the town where both sets of our grandparents live. It was our parents' anniversary (they were down there already) and they had met there as highschoolers, fell in love and got married a few years later before moving to the cities. It was also King Turkey Day, which is a celebration for the city being one of the largest turkey producing areas in the world. It rivals Cuero, TX for the "title" and they have a turkey race down mainstreet every year with a MN and a TX bird competing. There are all kinds of festivities on this day, including the 2 hour parade that we watched in the cold and sprinkles yesterday. It was a fun time, and I got to see a bunch of my cousins including the two new babies born in August. We decided that we should make Turkey Day our new family gathering instead of holidays when it's harder to travel and get everyone together.

Today I was going to go to tai chi because I missed my Tuesday class last week, but I was so tired this morning so I decided to sleep in instead. I did some cleaning, some putting away, and now some blogging. Dinner with friends later :)

I was supposed to be a bride tomorrow :(

Well, it's been 5 weeks today and it's going fast and I'm feeling ok. However, tomorrow was supposed to be our wedding day. I would have felt more sad if we hadn't purposefully gotten legally married earlier before we knew about the deployment. We were able to enjoy that and happily say our vows to each other without thinking of the year apart looming in front of us. We didn't have to rush to get married before he left, and luckily we got almost all of the money back that we had down on the wedding. I am so happy that we are married and that it was just about us when we got married and we didn't have to stress about anything (other than me putting a wrong number in my ssn on my marriage application, oops!). But I am sad that we don't get to have our wedding tomorrow. Everything was going to be perfect and beautiful. It was going to be outdoors by a lake and tons of trees, and by the looks of the weather forecast, tomorrow's weather was going to be absolutely perfect too. Mid 70's and mostly sunny. Instead, my dress has to sit in the closet for another year, and I'll have to plan yet another wedding when he comes home. It's disappointing, but hopefully we'll be able to do something just as great next fall. We can renew our vows and finally be together. Please keep us in your prayers for his safety and my sanity and patience.

I won't just be moping around this weekend though because I am off to San Francisco tonight to go take care of my 7 year old buddy Esther for a few days. She and her mom are friends of our that are living there for a temporary work assignment. I'm excited to go somewhere new and to see Esther there (she has been back here to visit a few times). The weather is supposed to be great and hopefully I will be able to take in some of the sites.

A tale of true love and true disappointment

Once upon a time, while on opposite ends of the earth, I met Will through an online dating site. Immediately we knew we had a great connection and began "dating" before we had even met. When he came back stateside to our shared hometown in MN, he was more amazing than I even expected and there started our whirlwind of a love story. We were crazy about each other so we decided that we would make a long-distance relationship work as he was to be stationed in Texas. After only 7 months of dating and trips to and from the Lone Star state, he proposed to me on a mountain-top on a beautiful sunny day. We began planning the perfect wedding in September, planning my move to Texas, found a house to rent so I would have a home to come down to, and decided to get married at the courthouse before our big wedding ceremony to make the move easier. Everything was going according to plan.

Less than a month after our courthouse wedding, Uncle Sam knocked on our door and turned our lives upside down. I had never felt so much emotion at once. All of our excitement turned to disappointment and worry. All of our plans were canceled or postponed. All of our thoughts were of trying to live in the moment while preparing for our first year of  marriage separated by continents and war. I am so proud of my husband and all of the other men and women that serve our country everyday, but how I wish we lived in a world where this was not necessary. I pray for his safety daily and anxiously await the day he comes home to me so we can finally start our lives together in the same country, the same state, in a place we can call home together.

So here I am, still in MN, trying to enjoy the time I have here in this state that I love, with people that I love, trying to distract myself from the disappointment and worry. The fact that basically our whole relationship has been long-distance helps, but I still miss him every second. Time to find things to occupy my time, so far so good. The busier I am, the faster time goes.