Thirds

At tai chi tonight we got to the point that is about a third of the way through the form that we are learning. I like that tai chi is easy and relaxing, yet it is mentally engaging because it's also a good memory exercise. You have to remember which foot your weight is in, where and when your arms and legs are supposed to move, which move comes next. It's good for you, and it's effortless really. If only it were as easy to put one foot in front of the other and walk through life effortlessly.

I am also nearing the 1/3 mark for getting through this deployment. Yes, time seems to go fast, but there is still so much time to go. I have been going through a lot of ups and downs lately. Stress from work makes it unbearable some days, and it's hard to keep it together. Unfortunately, life isn't easy. I have had very blessed life thus far with very few struggles, very little pain and stress, but lately I feel like several large changes and obstacles have been placed in my path. My strength and faith are definitely being challenged by a long distance relationship and marriage and the decisions we need to make about our future with the Army. I know that I can't always just float through life and that the easy way isn't always the best way, but it's hard to take it all in. Giving up control and just trusting that God will lead me is so much harder than it sounds. I know that's what I need to do, and I know that I won't feel at peace about the decisions we make until I do.

Christmas Is All Around

I love Christmastime. Thanksgiving has come and gone, and now it's time for Christmas music, shopping, lights, and the smell of Christmas trees. I did not participate in Black Friday this year, the madness really scares me and as I am not a morning person, I have no problem sleeping while people are out chasing after deals like maniacs at 4am. However, I did brave going to the mall today to do some Christmas shopping. It wasn't that bad and I got some of  list taken care of.

Since Christmas music is on my mind, I heard this song yesterday and thought it was sweet and then found this video, so I'll share it.

 

My Christmas music favorites are Mariah Carey, Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton, Bing Crosby, and the soundtracks of Elf, Home Alone, and Love Actually. And then there's always Wham!'s Last Christmas :) Check out this 80's wonderfulness:

Polka Polka Polka

I went down to my grandparents' house this weekend for a cousin's bridal shower and an early Thanksgiving dinner(well one on each side of the family actually). I am blessed to have such a large loving family, and all 4 of my grandparents still with us. On my dad's side, there is always delicious food at my grandparents' house - and luckily grandma passed her good cooking skills on to my dad, and maybe one day I'll pick it up. On my mom's side it's usually large, loud family gatherings with lots of kids around. This weekend I stayed overnight by myself at my mom's parents' house, which has not happened for a long time. Grandma showed me a bunch of old photos from when my mom was young, and there were some of my dad too since they started dating in high school.

We also did what they normally do on Saturday nights...watch polka dancing on tv. They used to go polka dancing when they were younger, and they like to watch it to reminisce and enjoy the music. I actually didn't mind watching it because I found it amusing, but for different reasons. The particular show we watched was a 1989 episode of Big Joe's Polka who is a big man who wears a sparkly accordion vest, hosts the polka band shows, and makes terrible jokes all the while. One of the bands that played was called the Polka Nuts, and I was surprised to see that they were a family - a dad and three kids younger than me, probably in high school. I wonder if their friends thought it was cool...? They had some pretty awesome 80's hair, and are actually very talented. Besides the singing in this video:

Unfortunately that was the only one from that band on the show that I found on YouTube. I did find this though that is much more impressive with 3 of them playing the hammered dulcimer:

There's my partially sarcastic tribute to polka music. It also makes me think of Home Alone, which oddly the only videos I could find on YouTube of the polka band introduction scene were in different languages. That movie deserves it's own tribute page, maybe closer to Christmas.

Angry Sandwich

As I take a break from my busy day full of reading through contract changes and preparing finalized contracts...I thought I would share a strange dream. I had a series of weird vivid dreams early this morning, but this is the one that stuck out to me as super weird.

My mom was making me a grilled cheese (as she has offered to do recently and I have not taken her up on), and while doing so I was chatting with her. But somehow she got ketchup and egg white on the top piece of bread which sent me into an angry frenzy. I was all of a sudden furiously wiping off the ketchup and egg and screaming at her saying, "I didn't want it this way, get it off!" and she was saying "I'm sorry I'm sorry, I'll fix it!" over and over again, and I proceeded to yell until I collapsed onto the floor in a tearful meltdown...and then I woke up actually crying at about 4 am.

SO weird, right?? I love you mom and I will never yell at you for making me a grilled cheese :) And hopefully never cry over one!

Ok I guess it's winter now!

I haven't really had a whole lot going on this week, so I'll sum it up in one post. I better find some more exciting things to do so I can be a more active blogger! Here are some tidbits:

•  We hired another girl at work! I am no longer alone with all the guys. They are great, and I enjoy working with them, but sometimes it gets to feel a little lonely being the only female. Sometimes girls can be too much drama, but it's nice to have someone who will understand my frequent emotional changes :) Deployment kind of causes an extra dose of unpredictable emotions every day.
• Wednesday was a bad day. Work was stressful, I was tired and cranky, and then to top it off I finally got to talk to my husband after a week and the internet on his side was not working, so we got a total of 3 minutes of conversation in. I just felt like crying the rest of the day.
• Thursday was a better day. I got to talk to him for a good while with the webcam and he told me he found out his dates for R&R! Now I have a real date to count down to and it's not too far away! The other great news from Thursday is that my best friend/roommates found out the sex of their baby and it's a girl! I was hoping for a girl, so I'm excited!
• Friday was a nice change of pace. Work was quiet and I got to talk to hubby again for a long time and was able to talk some stuff through with him that had been stewing in my head. It's hard being so far apart because I want to talk to him and tell him things and work through everyday stressers together, but we usually don't get to. So when we have at least an hour long chunk of time to talk it's really great to actually be able to feel like we can connect on a married-couple level. You people that actually get to be with your spouse all the time - don't ever take their daily company for granted!!
• Last night we got a mega snowstorm. I woke up to an instant change from fall to winter with a blanket of snow on the ground. Luckily I had nowhere to go today so I stayed away from the roads as advised by my brother (took him a half hour to go 4 miles) and my roommate (who got stuck in the snow twice this morning). Therefore, I am still in my pjs at 8:30pm and had a wonderfully relaxing day catching up on tv shows, cleaning, talking to my man, and working on a mosaic project. Today marks 6 months of marriage which is also something to be happy about!

A Greater Plan

I decided to be brave today and go check out a new church all by my lonesome. I haven't been going to church for a while because 1) I haven't found one close that I like going to or have anyone to go to with, 2) If you know me well you know how much I love to sleep in, and 3) lately Sunday mornings have been days that I have been able to talk to my husband online and that is cherished time. Last night I felt motivated, so I looked at the website of a church that I have been considering and read through it all, read the pastor's blog, and listened to last week's sermon online.

I find that with the little bit of technology smarts that I possess combined with my way of getting a "feeling" about people and places, I can learn a lot about a church community from their website (if they market themselves correctly that is). What I was looking for was a place that had a younger feel to it, a deeper biblical teaching foundation, and somewhat of a "cool factor" to it and people that I can connect with on a more real basis. Websites that include things like google calendars, blogs, and podcasts are generally up on the cool factor. Good design, layout, and graphics also says something. This church seemed to have what I was looking for, so I went by myself this morning. I'm generally not a risk taker, I don't like new things, and I hate small talk and introducing myself to strangers. I did all of that today, and I felt good about it. I enjoyed the service, met some nice people, and wouldn't you know it, God called me there today and the pastor gave me just the sermon I needed to hear.

I have been struggling lately with accepting the way my life has taken a turn, being away from my husband for the first year of our marriage while he is in a war zone, and trying to figure out what direction we should take for our future together. Should we re-enlist, should we come back to MN, do we choose family or career, stability or risk...tough questions about the plans that we have for our lives. The teaching series they were in at church was going through Ephesians, today chapter 1: 7-10

⁷ In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace ⁸ that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, ⁹ he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, ¹⁰ to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ. 

God created us as his children to live out his will, because he has a bigger plan for the earth and for all of us. I knew this already, but the way the pastor described it as a story that we all play a part in really resonated with me. He said that we may have a picture of the way our life, or our "story," is going or will go which seems to be our reality, but it's God's reality that matters and is true. We may see things totally differently that he does at any given moment, but to him it all makes sense because it's all part of his greater plan. We may not understand it, we may not like it at the time, but looking back we can find comfort in the fact that things happen for a reason. I know that I can say that just looking back at my own short life and some of the things I have been through thus far.

I am trying harder to trust in that greater plan and know that someday I can look back at this difficult year and smile knowing that it had a purpose greater than what I knew at the time. 

After church I had a nice day with my family which included a Bonzai burger from Red Robin (love) and a walk in the woods on this amazingly beautiful November day. Then I watched some Army Wives with my mama, and came home to a letter and a really sweet card in the mail from my husband. There's nothing like getting a love letter from someone you miss more than words can say.