Sunday, October 31, 2010

Sometimes life is hard

Today is the last day of October! Two more months and then January is here. I finally got to see my husband's face today on a webcam after 12 weeks. It was so good to see him, even if I couldn't hear his voice. We have had a stressful week trying to figure out our future. He has been considering re-enlisting so that he could get more experience for the career path he wants to take. I want absolutely nothing to do with re-enlistment and I don't want another deployment, so really there's nothing in it for me (besides free rent and medical care) and I would be giving up everything I have here - my job, my family, my friends. So we have been trying to come up with some way we can compromise, but it's not working out so far.

It seems like it is just black and white, one way or the other. One of us would have to give up a lot for the other person. I just am really reluctant to give up several more years of our life to the army when I know that another deployment and me being away from home is inevitable. I appreciate what they do, and I'm proud of my husband for his commitment and sacrifice, it's just not what I pictured for my life. I never would have seen myself as an army wife, but somehow I happened to fall in love with and marry a soldier. And I was under the impression that he would do his time and get out because that's what he told me from the start. If I would have known that he would want to stay in, I would have had to change my expectations and be ok with it before we got married. This was not part of the plan I thought we had. I would be more willing to move if he found his dream job somewhere other than MN. Still though, I really just want to be here. This is home. Our families are here, I love this place and feel like the only thing missing is him.

It's not easy to discuss this serious of decisions while he is on the other side of the world and we have not even had a chance to start our lives together. When all of our plans have already changed and I'm missing him so much because of the Army - not so excited about the thought of 4 more years. It's such a huge decision to make even if we were together. So this has been stressing both of us out a lot lately. Today we are leaning towards no because it would mean a commitment of 4 more years, but I'm sure this isn't the end. Please pray that we can come to an agreement that we can both be happy with, and that things will work out for his career and my sanity either way.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Blurrr

The days are all starting to blur together big time. Work has been so crazy, and I have barely talked to my husband lately since he is away from the internet. They days of not talking are getting easier, and being so busy they are just flying by without me even noticing. I'm having a hard time remembering what I even did this week. I do remember there being frost on my car and it being 32 degrees this week though.

I can't believe October is almost over. I also can't believe that Christmas wreaths are being sold before Halloween has even come and gone. I swear they put that stuff out earlier and earlier each year. I'm thankful for the holidays coming this year because they are something to get excited about and distract me a little. But it's also sad thinking that I should have been sharing all of these holidays with my husband together in our house in Texas. Waiting for our wedding and my move that was planned for September this year felt like waiting forever. And now that has come and gone, and I'm still waiting and now this year feels like forever. I am making progress though, almost a quarter of the way through and only 2 months until January R&R.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

I live in a material world

I have this weird struggle with buying new things vs. getting rid of old things. I always have this urge to clean out my room so I don't have so much stuff or so many clothes, but then I have a really hard time actually giving things up. I probably have enough clothes that I would not have to wear the same thing for about 3 months. Part of the problem being that I have stayed relatively the same size since high school. So my stuff continues to grow and grow and grow because I always want to get something new. I have tried to be hard on myself lately and say that if I have not worn something in the past year, I need to get rid of it. I just took 3 bags of clothes to Goodwill and felt good about it, and I'm working on filling another. I always just feel like I might wear things at some point in the future. Ugh, so I am a girl, what can you do?

My other struggle is with technology. As you may know, technology and I don't get along very well. I am convinced that my body gives off some weird radiation or magnetic something that makes technology hate me. My phones always go crazy, my computer has a horrible temper for no apparent reason, etc etc. So I'm not really the biggest fan of computery things, but I work at a technology company surrounded by computers, iPhones, Droids, iPads...all day long, with people who are awesome at technology. So part of me craves to keep up with all the advances, but the other part of me is scared of it or I just don't want to pay for it. I'm hoping the price on smartphone plans will come down, it has to eventually due to economic principles and the product's saturation of the market. So I suppose I'll wait until then. My weakness though is cameras. I just bought a new camera a little over a year ago, and then as soon as I get it, they come out with something better and smaller and sleeker. It takes 5 pictures in one second, it has a 10x zoom and fits in your pocket...stop tempting me commercials!

I don't want to be a materialistic person, and really I don't think I am. I think it's more my sentimental nature, I enjoy being surrounding by things that I like and things that remind me of good times. I'm going to work hard though at letting things go, because it's just stuff. And also because I don't want to move a ton of stuff across country twice in the next two years.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Tai Chi Beginner Class

I have really been enjoying my tai chi classes. It's a great way to de-stress and just be calm, while also doing something good for my body. If anyone is interested in taking classes, there is a beginner term starting tomorrow night 10/21 at the JCC in St. Louis Park at 7:00. Thursday's class is the first of the term so you can just go and try it out, and then you can continue if you want to sign up for the full 4-8 week term. More info here: http://www.naturalsteptaichi.com/schedule.html There are also beginner courses that start in November at the downtown location at the Open Book, which is a pretty cool place.

Monday, October 18, 2010

More favorites

These are some of my other favorite books. These are books that make you wish the world was different, and make you wish you could change it. All of these books were so great that I couldn't put them down.

The Kite Runner
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
This book makes me so sad, but also so thankful that there are people that will go against all odds and go through just about anything to help someone else. The story is of a man who was born in Kabul and moves to America that finds out that his half brother's son is now left alone in Afghanistan. Despite the unsafe conditions with the Taliban, Amir risks his life to find the boy to give him a better life. If you prefer to watch the movie, it is also very well made and is a good adaptation from the book.

Now that my husband is in Afghanistan I think back to this book whenever he mentions the kids there. He gets such joy out of the kids when he is out on patrol and likes to give them treats when he can. I think that's adorable. I can't imagine growing up in that kind of environment. Constant political struggle, violence, and poverty.

The author of this book started a foundation that is working to help Afghani children and refugee families (www.khaledhosseinifoundation.org). There is an interesting and easy way to give to the foundation on their home page, just take a picture of you or someone holding The Kite Runner, or A Thousand Splendid Suns (which is also a great book), and upload it to the Penguin Books website. For each photo the publisher will donate $2 to the foundation.

The Secret Life of Bees [Hardcover]
The Secret Life of Bees - Sue Monk Kidd
I remember not having any idea what this book was about before I read it, but I had heard it was good. I love everything about this book. The characters are great, the story and struggle and pain are so compelling and heartfelt. I think it brings out every one of the human emotions. I also love the connection between the women in the story. I never had sisters, and never really wanted them, but this book kind of made me wish I had that sisterly bond.

Set in civil-rights era South Carolina, Lily runs away from home and her painful past and goes to find that place her mother came from. She stays with a house full of black women (the Boatwright sisters) that keep bees and make honey with the "Black Mary" on the label. Lily finally starts to understand what life is really about, and what being loved feels like. The movie of this book was also very well made and stars Dakota Fanning, Queen Latifa, Jennifer Hudson, and Alicia Keys.

The Help
The Help - Kathryn Stockett
This is another civil rights era book about a group of black maids that worked in the households of wealthy young woman in Jackson, Mississippi. "The help" do so much for the families and practically raise the children themselves, but are hardly appreciated or given any credit just because of the color of their skin. It's interesting to read about both classes of women because so much has changed since then and it's hard to believe it was ever like that. Even when my parents were children it was like that, it seems so weird now. The book goes back and forth between the perspectives of several of the characters. One of the white women decides to pursue her writing career by putting together a collection of true stories from Jackson maids, all while trying to protect everyone involved from discrimination and possibly violent uproar from the community. I'm guessing they will make a movie of this book someday too. Yep, just googled it, it comes out next year!

Has anyone else read these books? Which did you like better, the movie or the book? These are the few that I think the movies were (almost) just as good as the books.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

First Project Done

I got my first mosaic vase done yesterday and I think it turned out pretty good! Here are some pics of the process:

My disaster area for cutting glass and gluing.

 The last of the gluing. I had to tape the beads around the corners so they would dry in the right place. I had to put it in the oven to get the glue to dry clear even after a week.
 

After being grouted and cleaned up. I did this part yesterday, and I'm glad I chose a subtle grout color because my grout lines were not that great since I haven't perfected my glass cutting skills yet. Also, I used textured glass so the grout kind of stuck in the little cracks and crevices where it was not supposed to stay. I got most of it out by using a toothbrush and vinegar. I'm not sure why I decided to start with a 3-dimensional square vase because the edges were a pain. It was hard to get the grout to stick on the corners and I feel like it looks a little to thick because of the size of the gap, another reason why I'm glad I used a lighter grout color. Anyways, I am pretty happy with how it turned out, and now I can move on to something new!

Friday, October 15, 2010

TGIF

I have not had the best of weeks. Was not feeling full of rage as I did last week, but was not feeling myself or in a stable state this week because 1) I had a mild but nevertheless annoying bout of stomach flu, and 2) I didn't talk to my husband all week because he was away from computers. I had no motivation to do anything at work most of the week (my cave of an office not helping), but today was a little better. After I woke up that is. I slept through my alarm and awoke to a bad dream that made me feel very unsettled as I rushed to get to work not too far after my normally-late-getting-to-work time...yeah I just gave up trying to be on time because even the days that I am running on schedule there will be a traffic accident, or some other obstacle that still makes me late. I find that I have much less anxiety in the morning when I am not trying to be on time.

Anyways, my Friday turned out to be an ok day and then my hubby came back and was online. It was very late at night for him and he had had a bad day and just really wanted to talk to me (I love that). I was not expecting to hear from him for another day or two, so it was a pleasant surprise even though he was telling me about his rough day. It's the middle of October now which means that we are halfway there to January when he comes home for R&R!

I went to see a movie with my brother tonight, Life as We Know It. I really enjoyed it and it's good thing I wasn't watching it alone or I would have been bawling on numerous occasions. We both thought it would be more of a funny movie, but it turned out to be a great drama/love story too. Recommended.

Well, my mosaic vase is in the oven right now because the glue had still not dried clear after a week. Hopefully I will get a chance to grout it this weekend. I'm excited to get my first project done!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Book Blog: Some favorites

Since I gave up on reading Army Wives for now so I don't traumatize myself any further, and I am now reading the last two Harry Potter books to get a refresher before the movie comes out next month, I will share a few of my favorites (and later some other recent reads) until I get back on track with my reading list. These two books are ones that I would read over and over.

Baby
 Baby - Patricia MacLachlan
 This has been my favorite book forever. It's actually a child's book and is an easy read that can be completed in about an hour. I have read it several times and each time I read it I love it even more. It makes me smile, makes me cry, and reminds me that sometimes we are given experiences that we may not understand, and gifts that may be taken away, but they shape who we are. Our experiences are part of a bigger plan and things don't always happen according to our own timing. The characters in this book are heartfelt and lovable. The family is struggling with the loss of their baby son when a little baby girl shows up in a basket on their doorstep with a note from the mother asking them to care for her child. There was also a movie made of this book in 2000 starring Farrah Faucet as the mom, and Alison Pill as Larkin. I think it's only available on VHS unfortunately. But I did find it on Amazon in case anyone is interested. Or I own it if anyone still has a VHS player and wants to watch it with  me. Of course the book is better though!

Redeeming Love
Redeeming Love - Francine Rivers
Every woman should read this book. It's a love story that is based on the biblical story of Hosea. Sold into prostitution as a young girl, Angel never knew what real love was and was only seen as a pretty face and an object to men. Along comes Michael and he is taken by her beauty, and strongly feels God telling him to marry her despite her profession and reputation. They marry and Angel struggles to live a normal life and learn to love herself, be loved by her husband, and to love God. I just really like this book for the picture of love it portrays. The kind of love God has for us - an unfailing, unconditional love (but also a tough love) that no amount of mistakes or misgivings can break. Grab some tissues while reading this one, it's a tear-jerker.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Is it fall or summer? Silly MN

Friday night Megan and I went on a "date" because even though we live together, we really don't spend a lot of time together just the two of us. Plus, her going to bed at 9pm habits lately don't really allow for much going out! I have been trying to keep busy so I'm never home...so we actually went out on Friday for ice cream and a movie. We went to Block E downtown because that was one of two theaters showing the movie we wanted to see. That place was basically deserted on a Friday night because there's nothing in there anymore except the Shout House. However, conveniently there is a Cold Stone right next to the theater ticket office. So we had some ice cream and caught up on our lives, saw a movie, and by 9pm we were both tired and went home to bed. Haha, when did we get to be so old?
This is a crazy fall weekend in MN with 85 degree temps. The leaves are beautiful and the air is full of that crunchy leaf smell. My mom and I went for a walk yesterday and enjoyed this last bit of warm weather. After that I went on a shopping mission to find a dress to wear to a wedding last night. My friend Kellie asked me to go as her date to a wedding reception and I had nothing to wear. Well I found two dresses (one to wear to another wedding in Nov), and some sweaters and shirts that were all on sale! Needless to say I came out with much more than I went in for. The mall is a dangerous place when they are having fabulous fall sales.

So I went with Kellie this this wedding reception that was at the cutest little place. I didn't think I knew who the bride even was, but then we realized we had met once before so it wasn't as weird going to a random wedding. It was a nice reception with an open bar (always nice). It was a little strange to be at a wedding, since the last wedding I went to was...two years ago?? And the next wedding I was supposed to go to was my own. In some ways being there made me get excited about planning mine again, but also made me sad about the plans I already had and how they will probably have to be different the next time around. Hopefully just as good though. We had to leave early to go meet some friends in uptown for a birthday. Being out on the town felt really good. I have been staying busy and spending time with people, but it was nice to be out among the masses having fun. And I stayed out until midnight, oooh. Had super weird dreams and kept waking up in the middle of the night though. I blame Captain Morgan.

Today I'm hanging out with my family at Lake Minnetonka, another beautiful day outside. I wish the weekend lasted longer.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Skewed Perceptions

1. I think having no window in my office is taking a toll on my mood. I'm sure there are many other things contributing to my bad mood and irritability this week, but no sunlight definitely is not helping. I constantly feel like it's 6pm and I should not be working. In my old office my back was to the window, but the natural light still made me feel so much happier. I don't like feeling like I'm in a cave. Hopefully I will be able to get a different office in a few months with a window all to myself. But by then it will be winter. Crap, then it will be dark all the time anyways. Guess I can't win.

2. As I was driving home from my parents' house just a bit ago, I was shivering...and it's 60 degrees! Funny how that temperature can feel totally different depending on the time of year. In March, that's a HEAT WAVE. Now, I'm ready to put on a coat and sit by a fire.

3. Dear people that read my blog (I know you exist because I have stats), feel free to "follow" me or comment occasionally so I don't feel like a loser that writes to nobody. Either way it's a good outlet for me, but still it's nice to know people are out there :)

Monday, October 4, 2010

Ye Old Weekend

So after my crazy week last week, I also had a pretty busy weekend, but it was enjoyable at least. After my 12 hour sleep I got to talk to my husband online (twice on Saturday actually since he had a day off!), and then went out into the world. My first stop was the Comcast service center to change my name on my account and ask about the digital switch message we keep getting on our tv. After waiting in a long line (outside for part of it) I was able to change my name and found out that we have been getting free cable for the past year and a half! Oops, sucks for you Comcast. I always wondered how we got like 100 channels for $11/month...but unfortunately I had to upgrade our account and get some kind of converter box so that Megan and I can still watch HGTV for hours on end. Oh, on my way to the service center (which I had been to before not too long ago) I was mistaken about which road it was on. So I ended up in Deephaven which was way past where I needed to go. However, the fall leaves were beautiful out there and I found some garage sales so it was a nice scenic drive.

Anyways, after that I drove to St. Paul to go to Mosaic on a Stick. I actually was not that impressed with their selection of materials, but they did have some beautiful work there for sale. I got a few things there and then headed over to J Ring Glass Studio thinking I would get some glass and pick up the tools I needed there. They were lacking in the mosaic tool department, but the glass area was AMAZING. I had to limit myself in how many of the aisles I went down, I just stayed around the outside. There are sheets and sheets of beautiful glass in every color and texture. I got a few small sheets to start with. Since they didn't have the tools I wanted I had to go back to Mosaic on a Stick to get those. I just started on my first small project, a simple rectangular vase. I had fun cutting my little glass pieces tonight with my new tools. I'll post some pics when I finish it.

Yesterday I went to the MN Renaissance fair with my mother-in-law and my husband's best friend, his mom, her boyfriend, and his kids. It was quite the bunch and we all got dressed up in our old time garb. It's fun to go dressed up because people comment or ask to take pictures with you or of you. The people watching at this fair is fantastic. There are all kind of crazies (us included) that dress up and have fun. The taverns are always full of music and laughter, the royalty wanders around with an entourage, the vendors are mostly in character. I ate too much food, and I must say that the cheese curds don't even compare to the State Fair ones. I hope next year I will actually be able to go with my husband. He bought an outfit last fall that he looks super cute in (for some reason I didn't go with him either time he went...kicking myself now). Oh yeah, I was in Florida the second time he went. Here is a picture of me from this year:

Last night I was reading Army Wives, and the chapter I read was about a soldier dying in a helicopter crash. Not the best thing to read right before bed. I'm convinced that subconsciously contributed to my "off" day today. I was in a bad mood, was tired, irritated by everyone and everything...good thing I got to talk to Will online today, that helped me through. I don't think I should read any more of that book while he is deployed, I don't know what I was thinking. The show isn't as bad because they don't really kill off any main characters for the most part since they need to stick around for the show to be good. Although I just watched the end of season 1/first episode of season 2 again with my mom and man that makes me cry. Moral of the story is I'm switching to Harry Potter and other books that have absolutely no similarities to my life whatsoever for my bedtime reading.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Office Remodel Project

This past week has gone so fast, mostly because of how crazy it has been at work and the long nights I have been there this week. The bosses decided that it we were going to completely redo our office before some big clients came in this week. The office needed a facelift anyways, so this was the opportune time to do it. Problem was, we were given about a two week time frame to plan, organize, and execute everything. The construction started last Thursday night, and then because of plans, ideas, and color schemes changing, we didn't start painting anything until Wednesday. Clients were coming Friday.

So what we ended up doing was putting up a wall to create a reception area, creating a reception desk/office with the weird half wall thingy we already had, updated the lighting in the entryway, painted everything including doors and trim, and cleaned up the entire office. All of these things actually got done after some very late nights with several of us pitching in to help the painter guy (looking back we should have just hired a whole team to do it). Some of the little things didn't get done because of time lines, annoying vendors, and the fact that the bigger things took up so much time. But all in all the office looks good. It was cleaned up when the big clients came in yesterday. Now we have to finish the little polishes and probably move on to phase 2...

Besides all the remodeling work, I also had a lot of work work to do this week. So I worked about 58 hours this week, which led to me to go bed at 9:30 last night and sleep for 12 glorious hours. Now today I finally get to spend a little time at home (my roommates haven't seen me all week) and fit some fun things in. Going to check out that mosaic store today, and maybe a walk later.