Return to the Blogosphere

I have been informed that I should continue to blog because people miss reading my posts. I was glad to hear this because I was not sure if anyone actually read it besides the moms in my life.

The past few months have been a whirlwind, and thankfully have gone really quickly. I had a long and stressful transition from my job and have since been keeping busy spending time with family and friends, fitting in doctors/dentist appointments, packing, and preparing to move. And some much needed relaxation.

I move to TX in 5 days! I have been waiting for this for the last year and a half and it's finally almost here. I will be there for a few weeks on my own until my hubby comes home. It will be strange living alone for a while after having lived with two friends a baby. I am thankful to have some good friends down there already, so I won't be lonely. I'm so looking forward to moving into our house and making it ours. It's about time we get to actually live together and start our journey as a married couple. Please continue to pray for Will and for a safe return. While I am so excited about the move and the homecoming, it is still weeks away and I can't help but worry. But all I can do is hope and pray for the best and try to be positive. Hopefully the vitamin D from the non-stop sunshine in El Paso will help with that!

My March Madness

I could care less about basketball, but I've had a pretty mad March - both in the crazy and the angry sense. Lots of ups and downs and lots of emotions going on. This has been a tough month. It's felt like it's gone on forever and there is still one more day. However, not all was bad so I should focus on those good things that happened this month. Here are some tidbits:

• Positive: Army Wives is back! It feels like so long between seasons and I'm happy to have new episodes on. However, the shows brings out a lot of emotions during this deployment.
• Negative: I'm afraid potholes are going to eat my car alive. MN can't decide if it wants to be winter or spring and the roads are not liking it. Seems that road crews are doing pretty well staying on top of patching this year though.
• Positive:  My husband got better internet access finally so I get to talk to him online most days now. Hopefully we'll get to use Skype one of these days since I have not seen his face or heard his voice since January. He also got his promotable status which means he can be promoted to Sergeant soon.
• Negative/Positive: I have been struggling with work more and more. Having so  much responsibility in a fast-paced growing company is stressful for me on top of everything else going on in my life. I have had a lot of moody and angry days and I hate feeling that way. I have been having anxiety issues often and knowing that I am leaving and needed to find a good replacement and train them was a lot of pressure on top of a lot of regular stress. Luckily, we hired someone last week and she is great. Definitely an answered prayer. I'll be done with work after next week, then on a cruise, and then hopefully enjoying some less anxious time at home before moving away.
• Positive: Baby Lucy was born on March 11! I can't believe my best friend/"wife" is a mom now. I was blessed to be there for Lucy's birth. Although I am terrified of the birthing process, it was a much more positive experience than I expected. Megan was tough and once the drugs kicked in it was all smiles and laughs and excitement. The baby came over two weeks early but was healthy and beautiful. Now we have a sweet little bundle of joy in our apartment. I have not heard a peep out of her during the nights so so far so good. She has a very sweet disposition and even lets mommy and daddy get some sleep at night.

(Photos by Devotion Photography)

Book Blog: The Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet - Jamie Ford

I just finished this book this morning, and it was a great read. I had a little trouble getting into to it at first as it was another that switches between time periods, but I loved it in the end. It was heart breaking and heart warming at the same time. Henry, the main character, is a young Chinese boy living in San Francisco and is attending an all white school. He soon is joined by a Japanese American girl and they become good friends while working in the school kitchen together. Not long after, tensions rose between the US and Japan after the bombing of Pearl Harbor and Japanese families were sent away to internment camps, much to the satisfaction of Henry's father.

This is the part of World War II that I, and a lot of others I'm sure, tend to forget about. The fact that over 100,000 Japanese American people (and also German and Italian) were removed from their homes and sent to live inland in large camps fit for prisoners is just unimaginable to me. While many of the people were second generation Americans (like Keiko in the book), they were still feared to be spies or in cooperation with the Japanese. It is interesting to me that studies on racism and discrimination are typically centered on African Americans in the South, but as seen through this story, there are many other groups that have historically been discriminated against within the US, and other instances of clashing cultures, and today I am proud to live in a country where a person of any race, color, or religion can be respected as an American. I know we still have a long way to go, but I pray nothing like this would ever happen again in this country. It almost seems silly that anything like this could happen now, but at the same time that I say that, discriminatory events of a similar nature are still happening around the world.

The Japanese internment separates Henry from his best friend Keiko for much longer than they had thought. Henry has to learn to deal with the distance, only occasional letters, and learn to live as the one left behind where everyone else's lives seem to go on as usual...sounds like a familiar life to mine right now. Reading this, I related to the heartache, the uncertainty, the fear that Henry was going through, but it also made me thankful for the superior circumstances of my own separation. The one I love was not taken from me practically unannounced and for no apparent reason, he is not being treated like a prisoner, I hear from him at least every few days, and I know when he will return. These are the simple positive things that I need to remind myself when I'm struggling with the deployment. It's a daily struggle, but there are still things to be thankful for, things to learn, and I know that my husband is serving our country and protecting the freedoms we are lucky to have.

Book Blog: Water for Elephants - Sara Gruen

Ever dream of running off and joining the circus? Well, that's not exactly what happened for the main character of this book, but that's where Jacob found himself. I got this book for free from Military One Source (check out the free books they have for military families in the library section) because I had heard the name several times, but never really knew what it was about. Then I found out that they're making a movie of it, as they have done with  many of the books I have read lately, so naturally I need to read the book before it comes out. I love that Reese Witherspoon is going to play Marlena, but not so happy that Robert Pattinson of Twilight fame is playing Jacob. I'm not a fan of Twilight and don't really see the appeal of this Pattinson guy, especially as a creepy, pale, obsessive vampire. Maybe he will be more attractive in this role...

It's too bad I read this book over about a month and a half span of time (husband was home so I didn't read much). I would not have had such a wonderful distraction I would have burned through this book much faster. It was a love story full of betrayal and violence, and an interesting look into the train traveling circus' of back in the day. I'm not really sure what else to say about it because it's kind of just a crazy intense string of events, but you should check out the book or the movie when it comes out. I'm curious to see if they leave things out in the movie.

Emotions

I'm stuck in that awful unbalanced emotional state where I change from minute to minute. I'm doing ok, it's not much longer and I can do this... This sucks, I hate my life right now... I need to be with people I love because they make me feel better... I want to be alone because I feel depressed... I'm excited about [insert upcoming event here] and that will make this half easier... I don't care about anything and just want it to be August...

Sure, I haven't been breaking down in tears as much as when he left the first time, but I feel a whole lot of emotions each day that I can't seem to control. I think this happened before too though, I remember having a week-full of rage, thankfully it hasn't gotten to that point yet, it's more a numb/apathetic feeling lately. I've been very unmotivated and kind of depressed. It's easy to put on a happy face for little bits of time, but even if I am in a good mood, there are still layers of hurt underneath. There's really no way of knowing how you will react emotionally to being separated during a deployment. I don't want to feel this way or seem so hopeless. You can try to prepare yourself, try to keep busy, etc. but there's really no telling how you will feel day to day or minute to minute. Deployments + female hormones = volatile conditions.

I don't need advice or suggestions on how to feel better. I just simply need prayer and encouragement. So I'm listening to some Hillsong in hopes of encouraging my soul, it helps a little. I love this song, thought I would share.

I confess my hope

In the light of Your salvation

Where I lose myself

I will find You're all I need

Sing my soul

Of the Saviour's love

Sing my soul

Unto God alone

I will meet You here

In the life we call surrender

Let the world I know

Be the glory of Your grace

You alone are God

You alone are God

We declare the glory of Your name

Reign in all the earth

Reign in all the earth Jesus

Hopefully as time passes it will get easier as it did the first half. Each day that passes is one day closer to us being together and one less day of being apart. If I keep telling my brain to be positive, maybe it will be. I have been having a hard time going to sleep at night though, and I didn't hear from my Valentine yesterday :(

Back to Reality

My hubby was home for his mid-tour leave in January and it was so wonderful to spend time with him. I'm thankful that we're able to happily maintain our relationship despite the distance and circumstances, but it is a million times better to physically be in the same place. I took off of work while he was home so that we could spend every second together. We did a lot with family, celebrated his birthday, went to a spa and had a night downtown in a nice hotel, but mostly we just spent time at home relaxing. It was nice to just do normal/boring things like watch tv and do dishes together. Things we don't typically get to do together that I'm sure many couples take for granted. I love that we can appreciate the little things.

Sending him off at the airport was the dreaded moment, and I cried a lot. A nice man offered him to trade seats for first class which was really nice, but it didn't make saying goodbye any easier. I cried on my way home and climbed into bed and watched 4 hours of the Bachelor that I missed to distract me from being sad. With the exception of my mopiness that day, I think I've handled him leaving again better than I thought I would. Partly because I felt like the 15 days didn't go as fast as I thought they would, it seemed like a good amount of time together. It was also easier saying goodbye at the airport where his mom and I were the only people crying and I was not surrounded by other wives and children crying out for their daddies (talk about heart breaking).

So I'm back to being lonely, and oh man was it hard to go back to work after 3 weeks off. I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things and find motivation to get things done. I need to push through and try to focus on exciting things coming up that I can look forward to. My best friend's baby will be here in a few weeks, she is 33 weeks today. I just booked a cruise with my brother for April. And then before I know it it will be the summer and I'll be moving to Texas!

I'm sure there will still be lots of ups and downs for me emotionally these last 6 months of the deployment, but I feel like this half will be easier. With that being said, I still need lots of prayer for patience and strength, and for my husband's safety. I appreciate all the love and support people have been giving me and I will do my best to focus on the here and now and make the best of the time I have in MN with my family and friends.

Delayed

R&R is finally here...or not quite yet. I'm still waiting. I'm realizing that I'm not as patient a person as I thought I was! It's one thing to wait for a date that you know and can count down to, and it's a whole other beast to wait for something you have no idea when it will happen, or how. I need to learn how to not have expectations, and just accept things as they come. I'm just so excited to see my husband after 5 months! He is on his way, but the weather out East is not making it easy for him to get home. Non-functioning airports are not good for trying to get home from overseas. On the bright side (because I force myself to find it), he is getting a longer leave because of the extra travel days which is good rest for his tired body, and the longer it takes him to get here, the less days there will be left after he leaves! I've waited 5 months, what's a few more days right? Ugh...So I have been having a nice anxiety filled week so far, running errands and cleaning, trying to keep busy. He will be here soon :)