Emotions

I'm stuck in that awful unbalanced emotional state where I change from minute to minute. I'm doing ok, it's not much longer and I can do this... This sucks, I hate my life right now... I need to be with people I love because they make me feel better... I want to be alone because I feel depressed... I'm excited about [insert upcoming event here] and that will make this half easier... I don't care about anything and just want it to be August...

Sure, I haven't been breaking down in tears as much as when he left the first time, but I feel a whole lot of emotions each day that I can't seem to control. I think this happened before too though, I remember having a week-full of rage, thankfully it hasn't gotten to that point yet, it's more a numb/apathetic feeling lately. I've been very unmotivated and kind of depressed. It's easy to put on a happy face for little bits of time, but even if I am in a good mood, there are still layers of hurt underneath. There's really no way of knowing how you will react emotionally to being separated during a deployment. I don't want to feel this way or seem so hopeless. You can try to prepare yourself, try to keep busy, etc. but there's really no telling how you will feel day to day or minute to minute. Deployments + female hormones = volatile conditions.

I don't need advice or suggestions on how to feel better. I just simply need prayer and encouragement. So I'm listening to some Hillsong in hopes of encouraging my soul, it helps a little. I love this song, thought I would share.

I confess my hope

In the light of Your salvation

Where I lose myself

I will find You're all I need

Sing my soul

Of the Saviour's love

Sing my soul

Unto God alone

I will meet You here

In the life we call surrender

Let the world I know

Be the glory of Your grace

You alone are God

You alone are God

We declare the glory of Your name

Reign in all the earth

Reign in all the earth Jesus

Hopefully as time passes it will get easier as it did the first half. Each day that passes is one day closer to us being together and one less day of being apart. If I keep telling my brain to be positive, maybe it will be. I have been having a hard time going to sleep at night though, and I didn't hear from my Valentine yesterday :(