Sometimes life is hard

Today is the last day of October! Two more months and then January is here. I finally got to see my husband's face today on a webcam after 12 weeks. It was so good to see him, even if I couldn't hear his voice. We have had a stressful week trying to figure out our future. He has been considering re-enlisting so that he could get more experience for the career path he wants to take. I want absolutely nothing to do with re-enlistment and I don't want another deployment, so really there's nothing in it for me (besides free rent and medical care) and I would be giving up everything I have here - my job, my family, my friends. So we have been trying to come up with some way we can compromise, but it's not working out so far.

It seems like it is just black and white, one way or the other. One of us would have to give up a lot for the other person. I just am really reluctant to give up several more years of our life to the army when I know that another deployment and me being away from home is inevitable. I appreciate what they do, and I'm proud of my husband for his commitment and sacrifice, it's just not what I pictured for my life. I never would have seen myself as an army wife, but somehow I happened to fall in love with and marry a soldier. And I was under the impression that he would do his time and get out because that's what he told me from the start. If I would have known that he would want to stay in, I would have had to change my expectations and be ok with it before we got married. This was not part of the plan I thought we had. I would be more willing to move if he found his dream job somewhere other than MN. Still though, I really just want to be here. This is home. Our families are here, I love this place and feel like the only thing missing is him.

It's not easy to discuss this serious of decisions while he is on the other side of the world and we have not even had a chance to start our lives together. When all of our plans have already changed and I'm missing him so much because of the Army - not so excited about the thought of 4 more years. It's such a huge decision to make even if we were together. So this has been stressing both of us out a lot lately. Today we are leaning towards no because it would mean a commitment of 4 more years, but I'm sure this isn't the end. Please pray that we can come to an agreement that we can both be happy with, and that things will work out for his career and my sanity either way.

Blurrr

The days are all starting to blur together big time. Work has been so crazy, and I have barely talked to my husband lately since he is away from the internet. They days of not talking are getting easier, and being so busy they are just flying by without me even noticing. I'm having a hard time remembering what I even did this week. I do remember there being frost on my car and it being 32 degrees this week though.

I can't believe October is almost over. I also can't believe that Christmas wreaths are being sold before Halloween has even come and gone. I swear they put that stuff out earlier and earlier each year. I'm thankful for the holidays coming this year because they are something to get excited about and distract me a little. But it's also sad thinking that I should have been sharing all of these holidays with my husband together in our house in Texas. Waiting for our wedding and my move that was planned for September this year felt like waiting forever. And now that has come and gone, and I'm still waiting and now this year feels like forever. I am making progress though, almost a quarter of the way through and only 2 months until January R&R.

I live in a material world

I have this weird struggle with buying new things vs. getting rid of old things. I always have this urge to clean out my room so I don't have so much stuff or so many clothes, but then I have a really hard time actually giving things up. I probably have enough clothes that I would not have to wear the same thing for about 3 months. Part of the problem being that I have stayed relatively the same size since high school. So my stuff continues to grow and grow and grow because I always want to get something new. I have tried to be hard on myself lately and say that if I have not worn something in the past year, I need to get rid of it. I just took 3 bags of clothes to Goodwill and felt good about it, and I'm working on filling another. I always just feel like I might wear things at some point in the future. Ugh, so I am a girl, what can you do?

My other struggle is with technology. As you may know, technology and I don't get along very well. I am convinced that my body gives off some weird radiation or magnetic something that makes technology hate me. My phones always go crazy, my computer has a horrible temper for no apparent reason, etc etc. So I'm not really the biggest fan of computery things, but I work at a technology company surrounded by computers, iPhones, Droids, iPads...all day long, with people who are awesome at technology. So part of me craves to keep up with all the advances, but the other part of me is scared of it or I just don't want to pay for it. I'm hoping the price on smartphone plans will come down, it has to eventually due to economic principles and the product's saturation of the market. So I suppose I'll wait until then. My weakness though is cameras. I just bought a new camera a little over a year ago, and then as soon as I get it, they come out with something better and smaller and sleeker. It takes 5 pictures in one second, it has a 10x zoom and fits in your pocket...stop tempting me commercials!

I don't want to be a materialistic person, and really I don't think I am. I think it's more my sentimental nature, I enjoy being surrounding by things that I like and things that remind me of good times. I'm going to work hard though at letting things go, because it's just stuff. And also because I don't want to move a ton of stuff across country twice in the next two years.

Tai Chi Beginner Class

I have really been enjoying my tai chi classes. It's a great way to de-stress and just be calm, while also doing something good for my body. If anyone is interested in taking classes, there is a beginner term starting tomorrow night 10/21 at the JCC in St. Louis Park at 7:00. Thursday's class is the first of the term so you can just go and try it out, and then you can continue if you want to sign up for the full 4-8 week term. More info here: http://www.naturalsteptaichi.com/schedule.html There are also beginner courses that start in November at the downtown location at the Open Book, which is a pretty cool place.

More favorites

These are some of my other favorite books. These are books that make you wish the world was different, and make you wish you could change it. All of these books were so great that I couldn't put them down.


The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
This book makes me so sad, but also so thankful that there are people that will go against all odds and go through just about anything to help someone else. The story is of a man who was born in Kabul and moves to America that finds out that his half brother's son is now left alone in Afghanistan. Despite the unsafe conditions with the Taliban, Amir risks his life to find the boy to give him a better life. If you prefer to watch the movie, it is also very well made and is a good adaptation from the book.

Now that my husband is in Afghanistan I think back to this book whenever he mentions the kids there. He gets such joy out of the kids when he is out on patrol and likes to give them treats when he can. I think that's adorable. I can't imagine growing up in that kind of environment. Constant political struggle, violence, and poverty.

The author of this book started a foundation that is working to help Afghani children and refugee families (www.khaledhosseinifoundation.org). There is an interesting and easy way to give to the foundation on their home page, just take a picture of you or someone holding The Kite Runner, or A Thousand Splendid Suns (which is also a great book), and upload it to the Penguin Books website. For each photo the publisher will donate $2 to the foundation.


The Secret Life of Bees - Sue Monk Kidd
I remember not having any idea what this book was about before I read it, but I had heard it was good. I love everything about this book. The characters are great, the story and struggle and pain are so compelling and heartfelt. I think it brings out every one of the human emotions. I also love the connection between the women in the story. I never had sisters, and never really wanted them, but this book kind of made me wish I had that sisterly bond.

Set in civil-rights era South Carolina, Lily runs away from home and her painful past and goes to find that place her mother came from. She stays with a house full of black women (the Boatwright sisters) that keep bees and make honey with the "Black Mary" on the label. Lily finally starts to understand what life is really about, and what being loved feels like. The movie of this book was also very well made and stars Dakota Fanning, Queen Latifa, Jennifer Hudson, and Alicia Keys.


The Help - Kathryn Stockett
This is another civil rights era book about a group of black maids that worked in the households of wealthy young woman in Jackson, Mississippi. "The help" do so much for the families and practically raise the children themselves, but are hardly appreciated or given any credit just because of the color of their skin. It's interesting to read about both classes of women because so much has changed since then and it's hard to believe it was ever like that. Even when my parents were children it was like that, it seems so weird now. The book goes back and forth between the perspectives of several of the characters. One of the white women decides to pursue her writing career by putting together a collection of true stories from Jackson maids, all while trying to protect everyone involved from discrimination and possibly violent uproar from the community. I'm guessing they will make a movie of this book someday too. Yep, just googled it, it comes out next year!

Has anyone else read these books? Which did you like better, the movie or the book? These are the few that I think the movies were (almost) just as good as the books.

First Project Done

I got my first mosaic vase done yesterday and I think it turned out pretty good! Here are some pics of the process:

My disaster area for cutting glass and gluing.

 The last of the gluing. I had to tape the beads around the corners so they would dry in the right place. I had to put it in the oven to get the glue to dry clear even after a week.

 

After being grouted and cleaned up. I did this part yesterday, and I'm glad I chose a subtle grout color because my grout lines were not that great since I haven't perfected my glass cutting skills yet. Also, I used textured glass so the grout kind of stuck in the little cracks and crevices where it was not supposed to stay. I got most of it out by using a toothbrush and vinegar. I'm not sure why I decided to start with a 3-dimensional square vase because the edges were a pain. It was hard to get the grout to stick on the corners and I feel like it looks a little to thick because of the size of the gap, another reason why I'm glad I used a lighter grout color. Anyways, I am pretty happy with how it turned out, and now I can move on to something new!

TGIF

I have not had the best of weeks. Was not feeling full of rage as I did last week, but was not feeling myself or in a stable state this week because 1) I had a mild but nevertheless annoying bout of stomach flu, and 2) I didn't talk to my husband all week because he was away from computers. I had no motivation to do anything at work most of the week (my cave of an office not helping), but today was a little better. After I woke up that is. I slept through my alarm and awoke to a bad dream that made me feel very unsettled as I rushed to get to work not too far after my normally-late-getting-to-work time...yeah I just gave up trying to be on time because even the days that I am running on schedule there will be a traffic accident, or some other obstacle that still makes me late. I find that I have much less anxiety in the morning when I am not trying to be on time.

Anyways, my Friday turned out to be an ok day and then my hubby came back and was online. It was very late at night for him and he had had a bad day and just really wanted to talk to me (I love that). I was not expecting to hear from him for another day or two, so it was a pleasant surprise even though he was telling me about his rough day. It's the middle of October now which means that we are halfway there to January when he comes home for R&R!

I went to see a movie with my brother tonight, Life as We Know It. I really enjoyed it and it's good thing I wasn't watching it alone or I would have been bawling on numerous occasions. We both thought it would be more of a funny movie, but it turned out to be a great drama/love story too. Recommended.

Well, my mosaic vase is in the oven right now because the glue had still not dried clear after a week. Hopefully I will get a chance to grout it this weekend. I'm excited to get my first project done!